A Cold One in Bathurst – July 2020

All the fairy-floss boys were still tucked up cosy and warm in their flannel night shirts when the Nige’s met at Tuggerah maccas for the two night ride to Bathurst and beyond. Boris, Nige, Lucky, and Moey hugged it out as usual over skinny caps and chai lattes or whatever. Nige, now alcohol free since before the last ride welcomed us warmly to the table.

“Yes no. Hello”

“Hi Nige”We all said and then spoke of mundane matters. Numbers were down a little because Barnaby was off dealing with family matters and DD was saving souls somewhere in the hinterlands we assumed but never asked him at any point.

Lucky led out happily and he and Nige and Boris all chatted about how great Moey was. We had intercoms and he didn’t leaving him joyfully isolated from the other three.

“A fine fellow wouldn’t you say Nige?” Asked Boris.

“Yes no I couldn’t agree more” he replied. “And doesn’t he ride a splendid line”

“You sure are more relaxed and lucid since you stopped drinking Nige” Lucky commented

“Yes no thank you Philip”

Anyway, the conversation continued along these lines as we headed north then west under brilliant blue skies and had our usual early lunch in Denman. The usual stuff although Boris may have had something pretty strange and exotic beyond our understanding. Fish I think. After that he and the red meat boys (not Nige as he was self-regulating his intake of food as well) saddled up and soon found ourselves in Bylong for wees and such.

“Look at me. I own the store!!”

Nige pointed out a new advertising sign  on the Bylong store. Lucky of course was thrilled as he thought it was a legally  binding contract listing him as the new proprietor. “Woohoo boys, the sandwiches are on me” Moey, of course was about to set him straight when Nige interceded. “Yes no look Lucky. The law is quite clear here….” and he went on to explain the ins and outs of constitutional law in great detail but Lucky had already been distracted by other things. “Ooooh look, that flower has red circles on it” and so Nige removed his half rimmed reading glasses, wiped them carefully with a small chamois he kept for just that purpose, ahemmed quietly, and let the matter drop.

Next stop was, of course, Mt Paranoia or whatever for yet another look across the largely unchanged Bathurst landscape. This time there was something different about it. There seemed to be a big steel walkway in the way. Ignoring the “Stay Off” signs, and Nige’s protests, we climbed across and stood on it, gazing out northwards. “Now this is much better” said Moey. “A good six feet closer to the same stuff we look at every other time we come here.”

Boris and Lucky enjoying the views. Probably should have looked behind them though.

Should really turn around at some point. It was probably nice out there.

Onto the Knickerbocker for many beers although not as many as usual because Nige was still on the Sugar-Free Cokes as his shrinking waistline and healthier heart and lungs demanded. Somewhere through the evening it was decided by Boris that Boris would not be returning to the Knickerbocker next night and, since we were heading down to Goulburn next day, he may as well return to The Toaster and his good wife while the rest of us (two) would turn around and head back to Bathurst. DD was coming up tomorrow anyway and he could take Boris’ room and fix him up for it later under some gentleman’s agreement. So that worked out magnificently for all concerned. Nige then lost his life savings on Keno as usual but still went to bed with hope in his heart for next time. So that was nice.

“Yes no this is it boys. I’ll never be poor again”

Next morning was very very cold. Nige and Lucky were up early and went for a walk and found hot coffee. We breakfasted with Svetlana or Eve or Ava (I can never remember her name but I think she comes from the Baltic states) as usual and all got the usual big fry up of various non-domesticated animals, despite what we asked for. “I just wanted a light fruit smoothy’ said Lucky. “I was hoping for a low-fat yoghurt” said Boris except he pronounced it “Yogget” and we snickered a bit at that. “Yes no get this rubbish away from my body which is a temple” said Nige “A desecrated temple old son” giggled Moey and then the rest of us until Nige shot an angry glare our way which reminded us of past rides and so we all shut up then. “Thanking you!!” He said. Moey turned quietly to Boris and whispered “He was a lot more jolly when he was fat”

“Yes no, unacceptable”

After breakfast Moey headed back to Wyee and we three headed south to Goulburn via Abercrombie Rd. It was still very cold but we had warm gear and heated grips. Lucky’s mighty Explorer had heated seats “My bottoms hot” so we were pretty ok. The ride down through the pine forest is great of course with long winding asphalt and nice curves here and there and we were there in a few hours. “Splendid ride chaps” Said Boris enthusiastically. “I’d ride that with you again even if you were Eton men!!” Which meant nothing to us but we took it as a compliment anyway. “Gee thanks Boris” Lucky said. “Yes no yes no yens ye…nuh” Nige said trailing off all confused.

Iced over but ready to go.

Nige and Boris down by the mighty Abercrombie River. Not far to go.

Into Goulburn for lunch and, remembering the size of breakfast, lunch at The Paragon was insurmountable. Even a light wrap came with a serve of chips that would fill an American. Embarrassed, we left most of it to the crows and, bidding Boris a fond farewell we headed back to Bathurst.

Little did we know what waited inside.

So Nige and Lucky returned just in time to meet DD who by now was settled comfortably with a nice beer in front of him. A few more drinks with a light dinner (None for Lucky, he was already bursting at the seems) and sleepy time. Again next morning Nige and Lucky went out walking and coffeeing. We found some interesting objects d’art and wondered at the sick minds that came up with them.

“This is where his testicles would be Lucky except for the weirdo who carved this monstrosity and forgot to put them on”

And so with all this behind us, Nige Lucky and DD headed home out through Sofala, Rylstone, Bylong, Denman etc. The weather remained perfect although dark clouds were gathering on the coast. Lucky made it home dry.

One Response to “A Cold One in Bathurst – July 2020”

  1. Very gentlemanly of you not to mention me nearly running into the tailgate of a ute… now that was not a perfect line.
    And that monstrosity that Nige is accosting… is it not a female monstrosity??? But in this pic it looks like a cross gender bird… no testicles but with a large tool.

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