Nige, Moey, and Lucky were enjoying Maccas coffees in the new year when Lucky raised the issue of Nige’s ride report, submitted by him under Lucky’s name, about their recent Bathurst ride
“You don’t write the reports about our adventures Nige, I do!!!” Lucky began, visibly upset.
“Oh dry up you big baby. It was a detailed report and included the major points. Did you notice I mentioned the ice cream?”
” Nuh, it was terrible. You didn’t establish context, or character development, or characters, or plot development, or plot, and there was no careful use of language techniques, especially a sad lack of onomatopoeia and hyperbole. Nor did you weave some clever dialogue throughout which might have breathed some life into your sad, sad, commentary. It was disgraceful wasn’t it fellas?” Out of breath by now, Lucky turned to his biggest supporter, Moey, but he’d tactically withdrawn and was closely studying his giant butterscotch latte and iced vo-vo. “The ice cream part had some merit” He commented.
“Yeah ok that part was pretty good” Lucky conceded. “But the rest was horrible.”
“Oh for f#$^’s sake Lucky. Seriously?” “I gave you a direct order to write that report weeks ago and you still haven’t done it. Fine, you write it and make sure you mention all the stuff I did and how wonderful I am as leader”
“Good, I will. I happen to have brought my laptop along so I’ll do it right now and I don’t want any interruptions. Now where to begin, where to begin. I’ve forgotten most of it.”
“Start at the Milk Factory Luckmeister” Offered Moey. “Start off by telling how Dave took off ahead without permission”
“That’s right. Thanks Uncy Momo. I’ll start there…………
It was sunny and warm when we all gathered together at The Milk Factory for our first ride out after the Covid Lockdown and the regions were finally welcoming visitors from ground zero, Central Coast. Moey had recently bought his new slightly used BMW GSA that was all shiny and sparkly with a fair amount of added “Farckle” just to annoy Nige.
“Totally gay” Nige interjected.
Lucky had removed the protective covering from Redboy the Explorer revealing a brilliant lustre of high gloss paint, disconnected the trickle charger, and was also keen to head west.
Nige had found his GSA where he left it lying on its side in the front garden many months earlier. Pulling the geraniums and lengths of Kikuyu from between the frame and forks and evicting a family of possums that had taken up residence between motor and fuel tank, it was eventually coaxed into life after a few friendly spanks with his old shovel kept precisely for that purpose.
” I call it The Persuader.” Nige again. Lucky looked up from the keyboard to see Nige smirking at his own joke. Regardless, he kept typing….
Now Dave came too and promised Lucky he’d bring the Triumph Jacket along on the next ride for Lucky as per our gentleman’s agreement. His orange Versys shone in the sun like a giant mandarine. “Wait out front for me boys whilst I empty my prostate” And wait we did.
About half an hour later we all began to worry that the old boy might have had a mishap vis-a-vis his down-belows so Nige, who was most concerned, rode around back to find his mate. “He’s not here!!! He’s taken off ahead! He wants to be ride leader! Well not on my watch!!! I’m Ride leader and president of this outlaw motorcycle club and will lead… from second position. Lucky, you go ahead”
We finally caught up to Dave at the bottom of Bumble Hill and dropped him back to caboose position where he remained for the most part. “Sorry fellas. I just wanted to see what it felt like up front. Won’t happen again.” And it didn’t.
Anyway, the usual roads and stopover at Denman for lunch. Boris wasn’t with us on this trip so the Sealy Posturepeadic sized steaks remained refrigerated till his next visit. The rest of us ate sparingly although lucky tried one of those spicy chicken burgers that nearly killed Nige several trips earlier.
“I remember them. They were killer hot” Nige reflected.
“Mild at best” Lucky responded.
On to Rylstone. Moey decided to open up his new slightly used GSA “I call her The Geezer” up the hills between Bylong and Rylstone with the rest of us pushing to stay with him. “Carn Lucky, he’s getting away!” Roared Nige through the intercom. “He’s using his quick-shifter Nige. That’s not fair!” “You either stay up or you’re dismissed as ride-leader-self-elected.”
We arrived in Rylstone around 2 for fuel and coffee.
At this point Lucky glanced over to see if Nige was listening to his new report. “Losing interest Lucky. Talk about the mountain.”….
Off we went to Bathurst with the usual trek up Mt Paranoia so Nige could check out Barnaby’s campsite for the upcoming car races. Views were much the same again but we noticed the word Bathurst had been removed from the circuit’s Hillside White-Stone sign. Then it was the traditional lose our way to the Knickerbocker. Then the usual try to slip the bikes between the boom-gate and fence until the bottle shop guy eventually opened it for us.
The Knickerbocker opened up to us with some enthusiasm. “Over there for QR Codes, show us yer Double Vaxxes, payment in advance, shower for lice upstairs, etc” We had some beers but not Nige who is still on his no-alchohol thing. Dinner was good. Some had those chicken wings like last time and made a complete mess of themselves. Lucky and Moey had salads with stuff on the side which was pretty good too. The pub had recently been sold and handover was this weekend. At around 7 we wandered off for a walk to that ice-cream parlour…..
“Gonna stop you there Lucky. I already wrote about this in my report.”
“Right. Sorry Nige”
“Sorright. Carry on with the story”
Okay. Everybody had a good sleep except Nige and woke to sunny skies. Breakfast was again, excellent.
Heading out at around 9 back the same way. Nobody had to fuel up since Rylstone was a mere 70 mins or so away so off we went. Good roads and decent riding got us there just after 10.
Back to Jerrys via the farms at the back of Denman. The dirt road over the hill was pretty dodgy from the recent rains but nobody fell off so that was good. Moey gave The Geezer a happy thumbs up then headed north from Broke. Dave had had enough of us by Kulnura and rode straight home so Nige and Lucky had time for a quick cuddle at Jerrys before also heading home. The end.
“My report is waaaay better’n yours Lucky” Nige piped in. “I would OF included all aspects of the bucolic surrounds and the verdant scenery.” As an afterthought he asked “Also do you remember what Cumudgeonly means?” barely suppressing a snigger.
“Oh um yeh nuh, nuh, wait…nuh. what is it again?”
“Look it up numbnuts because I’ve told you about a thousand times and I’m not telling you again!!”
“Alright, alright. Geez you’re getting cranky in your old age” an embarrassed Lucky retorted.
“Good ok, finally. Correct”
“What?”
I still think that my report was WAAAAAAAAY gooderer.