Bathurst? Never Heard of it.

After nobody turned out for the Gunnedah trip last time we thought the numbers had to get better when Nige suggested another ride to somewhere we had never been before. Bathurst. Excited you ask? Yes we were.

This time there was five of us and, after the usual scrambling to see who could go out first, Nige took the lead position out from Maccas and onto Yarramalong Rd. Up Bumble Hill as usual and out past Wollombi to our first stop at Broke. “My mirrors come loose Moey” said Lucky miserably “I’d better go home”. “No, No young Meister let old Uncky Momo have a quick look at it” said Moey pushing Lucky aside and immediately took to removing the front engine mounts off Redboy. After a few minutes with the seat, tank, engine, handlebars, and back wheel spread out nicely on the grass amongst miscellaneous screws, bolts, and other oddments, Uncky Momo was ready to proceed. Scratching his head Moey took a closer look at the mirror itself. “Ahh just a bit graunchy old son” he said and with a quick twist of the spanner the mirror was fixed and a few minutes later Redboy was back in service. “Right then old fella-me-lad any other problems?” “No, no all good thanks Uncky Momo” Lucky hurriedly replied. “I’ll go in front now and scare up the local wallabies” And he did.

Out in front and setting a decent pace, Lucky spotted a few wallabies left and right of the road. Startled they ran across the road behind him and clipped DD’s semi-new Versys before scampering off. DD was pretty non-plussed “See there boys. The Lord protected me from evil” “Yeah Nuh DD if that was true, how come he hit you and not the other heathens ahead and behind you?” Nige asked sensitively. “Well Nige. The Lord works in mysterious ways” Replied DD tapping his nose and winking. “That does make sense Nige” Lucky interjected. “What’s a Lord” queried Barnaby and DD positively lit up as a possible new convert raised his head. “We’ll talk about this later Barnaby. Oh yes we will”

Still about a billion dollars to replace if you can get it in the right colour

So off we go again and this time we pulled in at Denman pub for some lunch. Nige barged up to the counter and asked for “Something that would kill a normal man” He was given some kind of southern fried double sized chicken and bacon and koala burger and proceeded to hammer his way through it with the help of a decent sized beer. “Did youse get a scooper of beer as well?” he asked. Barnaby guffawed in manly laughter at this faux pas and we didn’t see what happened next because the rest of us scampered outside to check on Lucky’s mirror.

“Watch me destroy this in no time!!”

Anyway, we came back in as Barnaby was still collecting himself having explained pub-talk and we, as usual, avoided eye-contact with Nige for a while. That burger wasn’t finished with Nige just yet.

Lucky, normally very sensible, but who had been bullied by Nige all the way to Denman in the first place lost his cool for a bit. Let me tell you about that. Pulling away in front of the other clear thinking riders who were speeding, certainly, but not crazy-spend-time-in-prison-with-a-new-boyfriend-called-Bubba pace, Lucky had been setting a pretty decent speed, as usual, with Nige, also as usual, behind and encouraging him. “Go faster Lucky, go faster you big girl” Now considering the terrain and the narrow road and the inherent dangers of errant wallabies etc Lucky, again as usual, ¬†buckled and went even faster. All the way in to Denman. ¬†“Yeesssss” howled an elated Nige “That’s more like it”!! Now, with this in mind and as we turned onto Bylong Valley Way, Nige again berated Lucky about his “slow” riding. At this Lucky took off. “Ghaaaaaaaaaa Faaaaaark yuooooooo” he said and immediately apologised “Sorry Nige” into the intercom. By now Barnaby was wheel standing the Ninja to catch up. After a bit they slowed and allowed the others to catch up and at this point Nige rolled past blasting his BMW horn to full affect. bleeeeeep. Sad. Lucky hit his Yolo Bad Boy air-horn proudly in reply. phtttttt. sadder. He pressed it again and nothing happened “That can’t be good” He thought to himself and then noticed his GPS was hanging at a funny angle “Geez that can’t be good”

Stopping in Rylstone Moey came over to see what could be done. “What’s happened Lucky” he asked kindly. “All good Moey” he nervously replied as Moey unfurled his every-tool-in-the-world tool belt. “Right, lets have a look at her. So once the tank, engine and all associated and non-associated parts were once again sitting in a haphazard line on the bitumen he began checking why the GPS was hanging funny. “There’s your problem Meister, the bottom brackets fallen of the GPS mounting arm” “The what now?” asked a puzzled Lucky but by this time Moey had tightened the top mount and zip-tied (who carries them!) the bottom mount solidly to the frame. “Good to go old son. Graunch free!”

“And here sir, is the last bit”

Up and down and round and round we made it in to Sofala. “ERRRPP” Geez that burger might have been a bit spicier than I first thought” Said Nige not for the first time since leaving Denman and not for the last time. In between nagging poor Lucky about not slowing down just because stray people on the side of the road kept doing the slow down warning signal as we approached Bathurst “ERRRRP. That was just telling you there’s a school bus somewhere around here Lucky. Go faster. As it was he was right and an old yellowy bus did eventually pass us in the other direction. “See Meister. I’m always right. And another thing ERRRRP. By the way your tailight and brake light aren’t working.”

No brakes, no lights. All gone to graunch!

So we stopped on top of the mountain and all figured it was the horn blasting that blew a light fuse. It was. So it got replaced and all was well. Meanwhile Barnaby was off checking the new camping site for the Bathurst 1000 and he was pleased.

We thought DD had converted him at first then realised he was just happy with his campsite.

So off to the pub. The usual bluster about what room for Nige. Same result. Worst ever. “When we come for the GP I’m having your room Moey. That’s final” “Yeah mate of course you will” said Moey howling with laughter. “I’ll pray for you Nigel my boy” said DD. “Or you could just give me your room David” “No that won’t be happening Nigel, just the prayer I’m afraid.”

Everybody had beers. Lucky had the worst pizza in the history of bad pizzas for dinner. Real schooners this time with Barnaby put in charge of the ordering. A few ports all round with poor DD slumping under the weight of that bill as it was his shout. “Looks like the family will be eating canned spaghetti again boys” No real offers of comfort though. “Yeah very sad” said Moey. “A real tragedy” added Barnaby. “Get me another David if you please” said Nige.

Off to bed and everyone except Nige had a wonderful sleep. Breakfast in the morning with our usual cook Svetlana or whatever who doesn’t have dogs anymore so our serving were a bit smaller. “A glorious adventure once again lads” said DD as we turned our heads east. “How’s your tummy Nige” he added but Nige quietly belched and said no more.

Don’t expect my room real soon Nigel.

Final goodbyes at Jerrys for those who turned up. Not Moey who was off on a date with the bride and didn’t want to keep the young lady waiting. A gentleman.

2 Responses to “Bathurst? Never Heard of it.”

  1. See … this is what happens when you write a report within the first 6 months of the actual ride. It has details although not all are reported very accurately.

    ps: I WILL get that room.

  2. And I know I speak for everyone when I say we hope you get that room too!!

    All my reports are very accurate and tell exactly what happened without any embellishments. That part might be embellished. A bit.

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